It may seem insignificant or self-indulgent in the era of Trumpism and the pandemic, but I mourn the loss of gay neighborhoods. Across the country, whether in New York City, Philadelphia, Chicago, or San Francisco, and I’ve read also around the world, the vibrant gay neighborhoods (“ghettos”) that provided shelter (in the broadest sense), nourishment, and a feeling of community to gays and lesbians for decades have become a pale stand-in for their former selves.
What happened? The most common explanation is that with the greater acceptance of gays and lesbians by the broader society, culminating in the legalization of same-sex marriage, people no longer felt the need to congregate and they chose instead to assimilate. Some point to real estate pressures, but I feel that is mostly bogus. It has to do with the desire to assimilate.
But the question remains, “Why?” Why would you forsake the feeling of community and camaraderie of living in a heavily gay and lesbian neighborhood for life among straights? Why would you trade the vibrancy of these neighborhoods for the relative sterility (from a LGBT perspective) of straight urban areas let alone the suburbs?
The clear answer to me is not a pretty one. Despite 5 decades of burgeoning gay pride activities and marketing, that feeling is trumped by the more deeply-rooted internalized homophobia that is still strong among gays (I cannot speak for lesbians). This is what the experience of societal and familial homophobia has done to us as individuals.
That is why so many choose assimilation over community. Why the desire to see themselves as “normal” is so strong, and why they themselves still define “normal” with reference to straight norms, not the norms of the LGBT community.
There is a lot of talk and display about celebrating our difference. There is much flaunting of that difference in Gay Pride Parades. For many, if not most, however, it is just talk. People mouth the words, but they have no deep meaning. I do not minimize the valid importance for many gays and lesbians of marriage and having children. But I do think that part of that importance is the stamp of normality that it provides.
Yes, we are out today. In that sense we have come far in the last 50 years since Stonewall. But with the greater acceptance, and now even marriage, comes the temptation to fulfill the desire to be “normal" while still being gay.
I have been out for 50 years. During that time, I have cherished my straight colleagues and their embrace of me. I was very fortunate. We were of one mind about politics and values, what a human being should be. We had complete respect for each other.
But I never wished to adopt a straight persona, to be like them. I cherish my gayness. We are different, blessedly so. Sometimes outrageously so.
I came out while living in Chicago’s “Boystown.” Gays were everywhere at all hours of the day … on the streets, in the grocery store, the local bookstore. The community was not just defined by gay bars.
More recently I have lived in Philadelphia’s former gay neighborhood, NYC, and Boston, and the scene was not what it once was. Now it is just defined by the bars; so few gays still live in these neighborhoods that they are invisible unless you have Gaydar. I missed the comfort and easy camaraderie of being, of living, among fellow gays.
Even knowing what I understand now, I still find it hard to accept that people would give that up for living in straight neighborhoods. We live our work lives in a straight world, and as I’ve experienced, it can be very rewarding and enriching.
But we should want to be at home in a neighborhood where we are part of a gay culture, a milieu, an ambiance that is special and that affirms who we are. For the same reasons that ethnic neighborhoods are special and worthy of preserving - for the city, it creates a vibe which is stimulating; for the neighborhood residents, it fosters maintenance of their identity and provides a sense of belonging which the larger culture never provides.
As with many aspects of culture, what is lost is irretrievably lost. Assimilation is healthy for society up to a point; it is important that citizens feel a commonality, that there be a social compact. Beyond that, however, assimilation is destructive of the richness of diversity that makes life interesting and a society vibrant. Our society, unfortunately, aided by the conforming influences of technology and globalization is marching towards a homogenous world. How sad.
