An Open Letter to President-elect Trump And the American People

For the next 4 years, you will be carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.  All the suffering, all the conflicts, all the madness will come before you in some form or other for your leadership decision as President.  People and nations will look to you to make the right decisions for our country and for the world.  That is an awesome burden.  I am writing this open letter, from a spirit of loving-kindness towards you, your family, and the American people, because I have no other avenue for speaking with you directly.

If there is one thing that is true of life, it is that we all suffer.  Whether rich or poor, whether white or person of color, whether President or average citizen, we all suffer.  Many people think that the rich and powerful don’t suffer because they have so much, “all that one could possibly imagine,” and yet as a spiritual person I know they do.  You know this as well, I’m sure.

Why is it that we all suffer?  And what are the consequences?

We all suffer for two reasons: our basic needs and the world we live in.  When a child is born, he has four basic needs:  food, freedom from pain, warmth/nurturing, and physical security.  These are the four irreducible needs of all human beings.

In particular, a baby’s need for nurturing, for unconditional love, is almost without limit.  Birth, being thrust out of the womb, has to be a scary experience.  When an animal is born, it is typically licked all over by the mother and is always next to the mother’s warmth.  When a baby is born, it is slapped on the behind, washed by a stranger, rolled up in a blanket and given to its mother to be held and fed before being put in a basinet by itself.  So from the moment of its birth, a baby finds that its needs are not met, and so the first seeds of insecurity are sown. 

This pattern continues during the baby’s formative first years.  It’s not that parents don’t love their new child and shower it with attention; it’s that the needs of the baby go beyond what most parents are able to give.  Whether it’s how they were raised, whether it’s the demands of work or home, whether it’s having their own problems to worry about … it’s just the way it is.

And as the baby becomes a young child, proceeds through adolescence, and attains adulthood, the seed of insecurity that formed at birth grows to become a huge tumor inside each of us.  Why?  The tumor grows because it is fed by much of what we experience in life … in the home, in school, at work, and in the media.  We are either told or learn that we are clearly lacking in some way.  Or if we are praised, we know how easy it is to fall from grace, and so the successful often have even greater insecurities than the average person because they have more to lose.

And so we have ended up with a world full of insecure people.  We each compensate for it, mask it in many ways, but the insecurity is still there.  What are the consequences?  In a word, it means that human relations, including the relationships between nations, are fraught with conflict.  

All the fighting, all the abuse, all the hatred, all the discrimination … whether in the home, the country, or the world … is a function of man’s insecurity.  A Buddhist monk once said to me that if someone or something pushes your buttons, what agitates you is a direct expression of someone’s suffering, their insecurity, and your button is a result of your own insecurity.

So how should this knowledge be applied?  How should it impact how we deal with our fellow humans, whether it’s a family member, a colleague, someone with an opposing point of view, or even an enemy?  

First, it means that all persons should be treated with respect.  That’s really all that most people want.

Now, many people would say, “Why should I respect him when he doesn’t show me respect?”  A very understandable question, but one which doesn’t get us anywhere and continues the destructive cycle.   Someone has to start first.  And the bigger, the more powerful a person is, the more it is his responsibility to take the first step.  After showing respect, he or she will usually be rewarded by being shown respect in return. A win-win situation.

What also helps us have respect and compassion for ourselves and all people is the knowledge that we developed into the persons we are because of all the learned experiences of life, much of which is negative.  We were not born this way; and this is not our true self.  To put it in modern techno language, we are programmed the way we are because of the inputs we have received.  That’s why Buddhists and mystics of all religions say that there is no such thing as a bad person, just people who do bad things.

Second, understanding how we came to have certain beliefs and opinions gives us the ability to respect the fact that other people come to their opinions honestly as well.  There is no one right opinion.  That understanding changes the dynamics of human interaction.  For example, I used to be a Type A person.  I was always right and everyone else was wrong.  No more.  As a result, I treat others with respect; my interactions are not combative and are more productive.

Finally, wanting only the best for ourselves, our family, our fellow citizens, and our country, and being aware of the ill will cause by “normal” interactions, we seek to rise above the fray and, looking down from above, act and respond with wisdom rather than emotion.  We know we cannot make good judgments when we are consumed by our emotions and attitudes.   

And we have been so consumed because we are used to taking things very personally.  But we learn not to because we come to know that people’s actions, including our own, are a function of deep-seated insecurities.  It really has nothing to do with us.  And that allows us to rise above the fray and not contribute to conflict. 

And so Mr. President-elect, as you lead this great country for the next four years, I hope that you are able to have compassion for yourself and all others, that you are able to respect everyone’s human dignity and equality, and that for the good of our country you rise above the fray and exercise wisdom.

The Unspoken Scourge of Not Feeling Respected

Much has been written and spoken about the problem of increased income inequality in this country.  It has caused huge distress in the lives of many people and has weakened the social fabric of our society.

But there is another type of inequality which is just as prevalent and perhaps even more devastating … the extent to which people feel respected, valued, acknowledged.

Everyone wants to be respected, valued, acknowledged.  It is a basic human need.  It feeds our self-respect.  And self-respect, positive self-esteem, is critical to our having a healthy relationship with ourselves, our families, and the world around us.  Without self-respect we are sitting ducks for a host of negative emotions that cause us to suffer emotionally.  

As bad as physical suffering is … whether it’s from hunger, disease, or an accident … emotional suffering is even more debilitating.   If one is emotionally strong, one can weather most physical afflictions.  But if one is emotionally week, full of fear and self-doubt, insecure, then every day is filled with experiences that reinforce the feeling that there is no place for you in this hostile world, that you are nothing, that make one question the reason for one’s existence. 

Many people wonder why depression is such a common phenomenon.  Why alcoholism is so widespread.  Why drug addiction has taken such strong root in both the inner city ghetto and in rural areas across America.  

The answer I think is clear.  The vast majority of people are not shown respect, are not valued, are not acknowledged in their everyday lives, whether in the workplace or in the home.  Many have the constitution to keep fighting on, to keep battling the forces they feel are arrayed against them.  But for many, their energy sapped, facing overwhelming fear and insecurity, they cope instead by escaping their suffering, escaping their reality, in the only ways available to them … alcohol or drugs.  Many others are not strong enough to even seek escape … I know it sounds strange, but that does take strength … and so they wallow in depression.

What is the basis for my saying that the vast majority of people are not shown respect, are not valued, are not acknowledged in their everyday lives?  One marker is to look at how much people earn, which is certainly taken as an indication of how one is valued in our culture.

Certainly those at the top of their field, whether it’s entertainment, finance, business, or the professions, are given this mark of value … large, and at the highest levels obscene, amounts of money.  The top income category, the top 1%, would certainly fall within this group.  

I was originally going to say the top 10%, but I was surprised in doing research for this post that the cut-off for the top 10% is a household income (that’s both spouses combined) of $113,000 according to Slate; $140,000 according to The New York Times.  That’s certainly not rich by any standard.  And people with those incomes are not likely to feel very secure, highly valued or respected.  The cut-off for the top 1% is a household income of $394,000 according to Slate, $383,000 according to the Times.  Lower than I would have thought, but certainly enough to be considered slightly rich these days and probably in a position in one’s work where one feels secure. respected and valued.

That means that 90 - 99% of people in this country probably do not feel respected, valued, or acknowledged.  That is a terrible state of affairs and explains many of the problems that our society is experiencing.

This estimate meshes with the anecdotal information one hears about the extent of lack of respect shown in the workplace.  As well as my own personal observations over the decades. 

When I did research, however, to see what the data was on this, I found surprisingly that the data regarding workplace satisfaction/respect showed quite the opposite.  But the data are so contrary to what one observes in everyday life that I doubt their validity.   And so my thinking remains unchanged. 

For example,  in one survey 88% of U.S. employees report overall satisfaction with their jobs!  In another survey, 85% of Millennials say they are treated with respect at work.  The Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that 29% of employees feel valued in their jobs.     

I’ve worked in many job settings, and relatively supportive ones at that, and I would say this data is far off the mark in reflecting the reality of how people feel in their jobs.  If you take the often unsupportive or corrosive situation in many job settings, as well as the discrimination faced by people of color and women, the numbers would be even worse.  Not knowing how these surveys were conducted, I cannot explain the results.

But back to the narrative.  A reader may say, “That’s just the way life is; it’s inherent in human/societal relations that some are respected and valued and some aren’t.”  However, it wasn’t always this way; certainly not with such extreme differences and inequality.  To understand how we got this way, we need to understand where we came from.  

The Development of Cities: For 50,000 years, we - meaning all humans - were aboriginal people, like Native Americans, who lived a communal life.  Everyone in the village had their place, everyone had their purpose, everyone was valued, with of course the inevitable exception.  This is not to say that everyone was equal, they weren’t, but all were respected and valued because everyone contributed to the greater good.  

Then around 4,00 B.C. cities began to develop in some cultures and the communal aspects of life ceased to be.  Instead, a class structure developed resulting from the culture of individual responsibility and private property.  This class structure with its concomitant income inequality resulted in some being considered very worthy, some worthy but less so, and then there was the mass of people who were considered to be unworthy rabble, mischief makers, people of low or no morals.  This inequality of respect seeped into all areas of societal life.  Here you had respect inequality on a large scale.  

Immigration, Loss of Homogeneity:  The one factor that still bound people together in most countries despite large income inequalities was their homogenous nationality and often religion; the us v them factor.  This was largely absent in the United States even in the 19th century where roughly 25% of the population was equally divided among immigrants and former slaves.  There was not just disdain but much hostility towards both groups … they weren’t just poor, they were a mass of “them” and considered dangerous. 

Although there has always been much political talk (pre-Trump) about our pride in being a nation of immigrants (somehow slaves are usually left out of such statements), there has always existed among the population, at least below the surface or in private company, a great deal of negativity towards them.  That’s why political correctness is both necessary as a guideline and why it is detested by many.

Modern Capitalism:  Then there is the factor of modern capitalism.  After the industrial revolution, capitalism developed into a system in which everyone except management was a fungible cog in the production process.  Every employee was there to be made use of, exploited, to enlarge the profits of the employer.  The resulting hostility between worker and management, even after the introduction of labor unions and the improvement of workers’ conditions, was part of the whole.

Adding to the feeling of use and abuse is the continuing presence of discrimination against people of color and women.  And whereas in former times job security was something one could count on, in recent years loyalty between management and workers, both blue collar and white, has almost evaporated.  As a result, even those who are making a “decent” salary often do not feel respected or valued.

Modern capitalism and the industrial revolution also introduced the phenomenon of rising expectations for those less well-off.  Now most people feel that they are entitled to and should have the means to acquire most of the accoutrements of contemporary life.  And so everyone tries to make it.   Of course, the vast majority don’t, which sets up frustration and anger at the larger society and government for propagating this illusion that everyone can make it, but doing little to ensure it.  Another reason for people not feeling respected and valued.

I have not spoken thus far in any detail about the problem of lack of respect in the home.  There appears to be no data on this, but certainly anecdotal information would indicate that whether between spouses, parents and children, or children, feeling that one is not respected or valued is not uncommon.  

Family life was probably never idyllic once we moved from communal to independent/competitive societies.  But modern capitalism has undoubtedly increased problems in the home in at least two ways.  First, the strains that work places on the psyches of men, and women, have to be felt in the home resulting in parents being more self-absorbed and less understanding of and available to their children.  Second, the ascent of the “me” generation in the early 80s has likely resulted in a home life which is less communal, less respectful of others.  Finally, while probably more a function of modern society than capitalism, it’s reasonable to assume that the lack of respect for authority that has taken hold in the U.S. has increased the lack of respect felt by children towards parents.

Is there a way back from this precipice we’re standing on?  We cannot return to pre-capitalist or pre-historic communal life.  But the answer is yes.  One major factor in the extent to which people don’t feel respected is discrimination.  In earlier posts, for example “Our Failed Economic/Social/Political System,”  I wrote of the need to develop true equal opportunity to live up to the ideals of the Declaration of Independence.  That is also what’s needed to bring the nation back from its current state of serious polarization.  Because one can only create true equal opportunity if all the vestiges of racism, bigotry, and misogyny are put behind us.  And with that would come an increased feeling of respect by those who have historically been discriminated against.

That would, however, still leave the broader issue of a lack of respect, or value, or acknowledgement of others that is part of our modern capitalist system and society.    To instill a culture of respect will require training at all levels, from schools to corporations, of the need even in the midst of competition to treat all fellow human beings with respect, to show them they are valued, and to acknowledge their work.  To be aware that most people do the best they can and so deserve respect for their intents, regardless how well they do.  This is true both in the workplace and at home.  Capitalism/competition and employee respect are not inherently mutually exclusive concepts.  Respect within families is inherently natural.

Until we have both true equal opportunity and true respect in the workplace and in the home, America will be at great risk for becoming a failed nation, torn apart by its internal divisions.

Aging - A Buddhist's Take on the Stages of Life

Because in our culture we tend to identify ourselves very closely with our bodies, the life cycle of man is usually portrayed visually in its physical manifestation. While this baby to invalid cycle certainly describes the passage of time for man’s body, it is not descriptive of the growth or deterioration of man’s spirit or wisdom over time.

Most cultures, through the ages up to the present day, have thought of the baby at the beginning of the cycle as a virtual blank slate, who knows nothing and who learns as he or she grows.  One exception is the Christian concept of Original Sin, a burden we are told we are born with and which can only be escaped through salvation.

As man grows older he was considered, until modern times, to gain in wisdom from his length of experience and his distance from the passions of youth, unless or until the point that senility struck.  Wisdom being defined as the knowledge of what is true and right, knowledge of how the world works, and the ability to make wise judgments.  As a result, in most societies, it was the elders who were held in the highest esteem.

In contemporary times, however, wisdom is generally not valued or sought after in most cultures  …   certainly not in the West and increasingly not in the East.  The sole remnant is in scholarly circles and to a certain extent, perhaps, in religious orders.  Rather it is simply knowledge that is valued, and knowledge is increasing equated with technological skill, with the ability to be technologically innovative being the highest valued skill of all.  

As a result, not just the old, but increasingly the middle-aged  … who were once thought to be at their prime professionally … are felt to be irrelevant to most everything.  Their way of thinking, of viewing the world, is outdated. One clear exception to this is the financial industry, where the only criterion of value is the ability to make money; it doesn’t matter how old you are.  In politics, it’s hard to say what is valued, other than the ability to get elected.  But no one, old or otherwise, is esteemed because of his or her wisdom.  

The Buddhist perspective on the trajectory of man’s life is quite different, starting with birth.  The Buddha taught that we are all born essentially perfect with the true Buddha nature inside us.  Zen Master Bankei (1622-1693) took this one step further and taught that we are all born with the unborn Buddha mind within us and so are born enlightened.

Thus, as a newborn, we are like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.   We have not yet tasted of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge and thus have no knowledge of right and wrong, like and dislike, fear and insecurity.  We are one with our unborn Buddha mind.  Everything just is.  (Note: the Tree of Knowledge is not a metaphor for knowledge in the sense of scholarly learning; it is knowledge in the sense of  judgment of oneself and the world around one.  Thus Adam and Eve had no shame in their nakedness in the Garden of Eden, but afterwards wore a metaphorical fig leaf.)

What happens after we are born is that we do indeed learn.  We taste, one could say are force-fed, the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge, and as a result most of us are thrust out of the Garden of Eden into a life of suffering … of insecurity, fear, doubt, anxiety, anger, greed, lust, negativity, pride (yes, one can be very insecure and very prideful at the same time) … for the rest of our lives.  One may gain much factual knowledge and skill so that one is valued and rewarded financially, but as the years pass most people deteriorate spiritually, becoming ever more trapped by their feelings of insecurity and its destructive consequences, ever more distanced from the purity they were born with.

But the true Buddha nature is always alive within each person.  And so, if he becomes aware of the true nature of his suffering (in short, that it’s not a function of what is, but how one perceives it), if he stops walking through life asleep, he has a choice to return home to his unborn Buddha mind, which I must note is quite different from being saved or being born again, although the latter sounds similar.  

Let me explain.  When you return home to your unborn Buddha mind, you are at peace, judge neither yourself nor anyone else, and have the compassion born of loving kindness towards all.  When people are born again in the Evangelical movement, their faith may be reborn and they may have a “personal” relationship with Christ, but they unfortunately do not become Christ-like, they do not return to the unborn Christ within them.  Instead they become full of judgment towards others and self-righteous.

But I digress.  So, whether as a teenager, an adult, or a senior citizen, if we are lucky enough to experience something that wakes us up (and this something is often a tragedy or something “bad”), we have the opportunity to walk the path of the Buddha and become free of the feelings and perceptions that have made us suffer all our lives.  We relearn that our purpose in life is being compassionate and offering joy to all others (and thus to ourselves), not making as much money and acquiring as much as possible.  Thus, although the body may deteriorate as we age, the spirit may blossom and we may achieve what Buddhists refer to as “perfected wisdom.”

Which brings me to the issue of aging … valuing the elderly and death.  In our society we typically warehouse the elderly, whether well-off or poor.  If you’re well-off, you will have more comfort, but basically you will still be separated from your loved ones and, as you become more infirm, increasingly isolated from the rest of society, from that which gives life its context and meaning. 

It didn’t use to be this way.  In an earlier day, when family values and options were very different, the elderly were cared for by their families in their homes.  It was often difficult and burdensome, but the elderly were given love (I know it wasn’t always this ideal), and at least were surrounded by family rather than segregated into the unfamiliarity of an independent living apartment or a nursing home.

At the same time as we have made the process of aging more isolating, modern medicine combined with religious mores have resulted in more people aging and suffering in a way oddly appropriate in this age in which technology is worshipped.  Many elderly people are kept alive now who in earlier days would have died.  We typically see this as something wonderful.  And often it is.  But is it wonderful for the person if their quality of life is gone, as it is for so many?

There are several aspects of Buddhism which are relevant to how we treat the elderly and death.  The first is that all people are valued, all are respected.  Whether wise or not, at peace or troubled, old or young, a doer of hurtful things or good things … a Buddhist has compassion flowing from loving kindness for all, knowing that everyone suffers and that we all are they way we are because that’s how we’ve been programmed by our life experiences.  Free will is not a Buddhist concept.

Without question, the elderly are to be especially respected and treated with compassion because many are wise and all have weathered so much of life.  Yet I think it can be safely said that our current way of “dealing” with the elderly is neither respectful nor compassionate.  It is mostly convenient … for us.  And so this must change.  

I don’t know what the practical answer is to the way the elderly are segregated in our society and end their lives … which can take many years … in surroundings where the norm is boredom and loneliness.  But society must start talking about this problem and find a way to return human quality to the last years of life.  The elderly deserve to be treated with respect and offered joy.

Second, in Buddhism, death is seen as a natural part of life.  There is nothing to be scared of.  And so instead of running from death, Buddhists live life prepared that death may come at any moment.  They live, or try to live, in what Christians would call a state of grace … to be at peace, free of psychological suffering, offering others joy, and finding happiness in each moment.  

Most people unfortunately do not end their lives in this state, despite a last minute visit from a priest, minister, rabbi, or imam.  Such ministry may bring some comfort perhaps, but not peace.  Hospice programs work more toward that end.  Again, I don’t know what the answer is, but we should do whatever we can so that all people who are dying, whether young or old, are helped to find that state of peace before death.  

This also impacts the question of whether people have a right to die, or to death with dignity.  When your mind and/or body fails you in a major way and you are suffering, society should give you an option to end your life, peacefully, legally, rather than making you suffer even more.  

That’s all the Death with Dignity or Right to Die movement is asking for.  Actually, they’re asking for something far more limited, just in cases of a diagnosed terminal illness … i.e. the person is going to die soon anyway, so why not let them end their suffering.  

But the medical profession’s fear of being sued and the religious establishment’s argument that since God gave life, only God can take it away have come together to create a huge hurdle to enacting such legislation, abetted by a fear of death that most people have.  Interesting how the religious will support human intervention to extend life, when if it were up to God and the natural process the person would die, but won’t allow human intervention to end life even when that is what a person clearly desires.  So much for leaving things in the hands of God.

Bottom line, we are talking about human beings here.  All people have the right to be treated with respect.  And if a person decides, while he or she is of sound mind, that when a defined irreversible (not necessarily terminal) physical or mental state is reached that he or she wants to be aided by a physician to die in peace with dignity, then that person’s will should be respected and the law should allow for such physician-assisted death.

So much suffering is inflicted upon mankind in the name of society’s values and customs.  At least at the end of one’s life, one should have the option to be free of suffering and to die in peace, free of fear, free of anger, free of pain.